I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
