I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
