We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
