why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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