my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
