Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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