i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
