Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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