I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
