I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
