What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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