I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I currently don't understand fingers.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
