I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
