this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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