watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
