Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
