well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
