I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
