remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
