Don't you send me to vm
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
