hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
