Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
