Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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