Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
