His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
