it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
