i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
