I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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