sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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