We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
