woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
