Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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