What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
