i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
