I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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