Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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