I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jerry, you need to find god
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
