Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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