Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
