On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
