also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
