He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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