hell yes lets make some ravioli
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
