I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
