That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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