Cold hands, warm shart.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
