my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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