New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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