I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
