My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
