My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
