im six kinds of drunk right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
