I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
