I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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