Too much gin, very little bucket
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize