I hope mine doesn't look like that
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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