my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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