I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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