Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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