I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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