My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
