Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
