I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
