He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
