new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
