You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
